Some of the things I “understood” about the world when I was little:
· The Bible was written by God
· Heaven is reserved for perfect people, or people who die immediately after exiting the confessional
· Whenever you said Jesus, you had to dip your head. . . or you would go to Hell.
· There was an unusually high number of seagulls who had only one leg
· Bringing volumes of Japanese Beetles and Gypsy moths into the house for scientific research made Mom especially angry
· One can never catch up with weeding a garden enriched by cow manure
· The best food in the world came from that garden
· Some families served green beans from a can
· Nana May and Papa Joe were real people; Nana Morrissey and Gamma were stern or unhappy, or both.
· Having read “Odyssey of an Otter” is not in the same league as reading “The Odyssey”. (Sorry, Mrs. Panza, for the misunderstanding in 3rd grade.)
· Being quiet and compliant in a classroom did not guarantee that the teacher would let you clap the chalk erasers.
· In the absence of a road map, dead reckoning is a great substitute, and it doesn’t necessarily result in someone’s death.*
· Lincoln Logs don’t stand a chance in a house where a dog lives.
*I had a paralyzing fear of becoming lost when I was little; I still become overly anxious if I don’t know where I am. Whenever Mom and I were away from the house, if I sensed that she was lost I would begin to cry and beg her to tell me that she knew where she was going. On one occasion, I demanded proof; she simply said, “dead reckoning, honey,” which to me meant somehow someone was going to die. She appeared calm, and for the rest of the journey maintained an inscrutable smile. I was worried.
